Trade Stuff and Worry for Freedom

If I could trade everything I've bought to date for a financially independent future, I would do it in a heartbeat. 
If I could start with a clean slate; I would:
only have ~50 items of clothing; everything would fit perfectly
own one suitcase that flies as a carry-on
buy 5 acres of land for a hobby farm and save the proceeds to build a manor house
(alternatively, I'd buy the smallest house on the biggest lot I could find)
invest in rental property to produce a reliable stream of income
find a job I could work remotely
This is so hard; I seem to be lacking focus today
If I could already be done; if there were something I could do other than wait, I would be doing it already. 
Perhaps there is something I just don't see. 
It's only 139k more steps until the finish line but the first 210 or so has taken a toll and I am back to feeling this untoward sense of dread that my finances are not all I could wish of them. 
So, I can't start over but I can still strive to attain my goal.  Perhaps I need to look at the numbers for perspective. 
Let's see, in 2006, I bought the albatross for 282k, paying 2800 per month for the mortgage.
In 2008, my mortgage payment escalated to 3000 with higher rates to come. 
I sought to refinance and given my limited knowledge and time (I had to work to earn that 3k), I ended up with a bunk refinance job that essentially put me into debtor's prison via a foreclosure on my credit report, despite holding on to the house and debt and paying as agreed for all but the 3 months it took for the company to take my pleas seriously. 
After an additional 30k in fees, the loan was back on paper and I was still paying at least 60% of my salary for the mortgage.
In 2009, I rolled up my sleeves, stopped whining and decided to banish this bane as soon as possible.  To that end, I paid off my car loan and a modest amount of credit card debt (3k).  I then dedicated 80% of my salary and any additional money (TDY stints) to pay off this mortgage.

The rest is history, as they say.  I've been doing this for the past five years and it is getting tiring.  It isn't not spending money that is the problem.  Everything I 'want' could be purchased with less than a single paycheck.  I've even made a nice little list for you to read: 
Vitamix Blender $500
Brewing Supplies $200
Pressure Canner $300
Canning Supplies $50
Box Grater $20
Stock Pot $50
I couldn't spend all the money I earn in a month if I tried.  Even if I bought all the clothing I dreamed of, that would still fit into the same paycheck with a only one or two exceptions.  Other than that, I desire some unnamed intangibles; to-be defined accomplishments, journeys, trials and travails. 
Five years and one beautiful baby later, I'm married, employed in my chosen field, a mother, and yet, yearning for... something...adventure? travel? connection? freedom? self-expression?
 I am on this journey, putting one foot in front of the other and will keep walking until I reach my destination. Then what happens? 
So what is the rub?  I am unfulfilled and uninspired by my job; my enthusiasm a dull shadow of what I once felt for the field I work in.  Another unfortunate case of reality getting in the way of my dreams.  What is the solution?

First, I need to define the problem. 

why does it take so much?

It is an ugly paradox that only those with an overabundance of money can fully realize its limited utility in life whereas those with a limited supply never fully grasp the concept.  Thus you have the poor and disenfranchized buying more and more new things at WalMart, trying hard to keep food (of questionable definition) on the table while those with an oversupply are able to transcend its limitations and free themselves from the yoke of

Fingers Crossed

Perhaps this will carry on and become a regular catharsis of my thoughts or perhaps it will not.  In any case, I am writing today to state that I am 22 months and 3 weeks away from paying off the mortgage on my rental property.

On the very same day that I clear the principle amount of the loan I will immediately become financially independent.  That will be just over ten years from the start of the mortgage and while I do not know everything that will come to me in the next two or even twenty years, I can say the life of this mortgage has been the worst ten years of my life.  I need not enumerate all the peaks and valleys, the paradise lost, the physical challenges, or even the paralyzing depression I have suffered and do suffer this very day.  On the other hand, it may well be a decade of highlights including the accomplishments of financial independence, a daughter, space flights, and an entirely new understanding of the world.  I will revisit this at the true expiration of the ten years.

In the mean time, and I am still in the mean time, I struggle to function at work.  The entire structure of work is leaning as it always has but ever more so in the direction of those who talk rather than those who do.  There is a lack of leadership which causes too much self-directed 'work' and group decision making (or not), the thinking of which physically makes me ill.  I have no confidence that I can repeat my previous performance and I feel all the responsibility but have no authority to steer the bus and the services my group is supposed to provide are all going to pot at this very moment.  I had such high hopes for the future of manned space exploration.  We were going to colonize Mars!  Then I realized how the world worked (everyone fighting like cats in a bag), which causes a lot of movement but leads to no ultimate change.  I attribute this to a lack of leadership and vision.  This is the present state of things 'at the office', and I want out, now. 

Although, I did not begin this blog post with an idea of griping about work.  I am writing as a wish, a hope, a prayer that I will be able to make it through to the end of this hellish tunnel called modern life and into another phase of existence called financial independence.  I realize after the past two years that the decay rate of my own creativity and my own soul, even, is exponentially increasing.  I noticed in college that my creative writing and artistic abilities were shrinking as I crammed for my engineering courses and always assumed it would come back when I had more time but it seems the time has gotten away from me again.  

Fingers Crossed. 

Our Little Secret

We don't live to work or even work to live.
No.  We work to save.
We are working towards a truly better future, one of financial independence.
Let's call it our little secret.  We think.  We plan.  We have patience and impulse control.

We work and save and wait for the day when we can begin to make the best use of our talents to shape the world around us instead of fitting ourselves into a picture that never looks quite right.
That day is swiftly approaching. 
It feels fantastic, like drinking in the afternoon, finding precise words, watching the sun rise on an early morning run or staying on top of the bike while the wheels keep spinning over that three foot rock.  

This secret is a tool, a gift to ourselves, a challenge, a weapon. 

We spend very little money because we have so much more than we will ever need and we realize that a person's wants are infinite.

Instead we channel this desire into personal development, personal relationships, civic progress, real life skills and athletic achievement.
These are valuables possessed of the owner that cannot be taken away.

Valuables possessed by the owner can be lost or stolen, catch fire, break, fall out of style, become boring or obsolete. 

This is our secret and this is our plan.

To save, to think, to spend wisely.