Changing Clothes

The problem with almost all my clothes is that they are unwearable.  There is no consistent 'story' or style although if you asked me, I have a good idea about how I want to look.
Sadly, in this world of infinite solutions, there is a disconnect between my purchases and the statement I want to make. 
I am too easily sidetracked by beautiful models (honestly) and imaginings about how I envision my daily life.

I've absolutely neglected to buy anything I can put on in the morning and wear to work.
Honestly, there is always this disconnect between how I imagine I will look wearing something and the reflection in the mirror.  The reflection more often than not displeases me so I try again.
In the end, I asked myself what I would wear everyday if it magically washed itself at night.
Out of my closet, I found three outfits that fit the bill and have been wearing them once weekly every since.
I have wasted a great amount of money on clothes and now I am a bit gun shy about it. On the up side, I do really notice and evaluate what I see other people wearing from the "ok, if you're taking your child to the playground," to the "all the mirrors in your house must be broken".
Geez people, comb your hair and brush your teeth and hem your pants to the correct length.
Being an extremely (for America) slim woman, I have only recently become acquainted with a local tailor and with very happy results.
My aim now is to own enough outfits to manage seven days of very nice/ clean clothing.
I like to dress in as few colors as possible; three is a lot for me.
To the point, I have found colored bottoms (skirts/pants) to be much less versatile than colored tops.... actually I feel most comfortable in neutrals with a scarf or lipstick for color or no color at all.  I consider leopard a neutral by the way.  The main exception is party dresses where all-over scarlet, turquoise or coral feels appropriate.  

Anyway, I figure that if I can just line up one weeks worth or stylish and beautiful outfits and wear them every week for a month then I can start working, one day at a time on two weeks worth of outfits.
Again, I am close to retirement and this may change what I choose to wear everyday but I hope not too much since my work has a business casual dress code that every woman interprets very differently. 
Recently, I have identified a fashion muse who is similar to me in coloring and stature and that is actually quite inspirational.  Celebrity stocking her online has revealed to me several items I could put to good use in my own wardrobe as well as given me tips about makeup and an objective view of what will and will not look good on me.  For instance, Navy Blue is a horrible choice both for her and me.  I have made the mistake of thinking I needed a navy blue dress after seeing a stunning women in one but something about my coloring makes it look completely wrong.  It is fine for the sallow french.  I made this mistake more than once myself but seeing it on her, how absolutely awkward she looks and compared to so many other colors she can wear well, I absolutely realize that unless I become a sea captain, I need have nothing to do with navy blue.
Let her spend embarrassing amounts of money on clothes.  Someone will always snap a picture of her and post in online.  All I have to do is google her name and I can view the image results which don't lie about what looks good and what doesn't.  The main trouble is finding things I want to wear in colors that suit me.  (Lots of things to wear in colors that don't suit me.) Luckily, tomato red and scarlet are all mine. 
My hope is to pick a spectacular outfit/idea and copy it for myself. 

I love the American spin on French chic. Chic but with washed hair, painted nails, pretty smiles, anyone can look like the slept in the gutter and then put on a suit and pair or heels but you still look like you slept in the gutter.  Kudos to you for not wearing makeup or ever smiling but shiny lips, white teeth and smiles win hearts.

My next purchase will either be a black pair of shoes (1 1/2" pumps, which no one seems to make anymore).  These will definitely be useful but perhaps I could/should look at creating another outfit in my 'best' colors.  Or, perhaps I'll do that next. 

Other things I need include beautiful (real) jewelry and shoes.  That's about it.  As long as I can stick to my plan and purchase things in colors that truly suit me I can always be a shiny, happy person. 

Laying out the Garden

The Garden looks fantastic and it isn't even finished yet.  It is even better than I imagined when I first started planning it last January (2014) while in Florida.   I am sore all over but it is a fantastic feeling.  People always complain about these types of jobs but for me there is nothing better than working in the fresh air and sunshine to build something of worth. 

The only concern I have is how much the flagstone patio will heat up the bedrooms in summer although it will be welcome in winter.  I'll have to figure out how to mitigate that... and how and where to plant wisteria.  We had sand and mulch delivered yesterday afternoon and after one bbq and one birthday party, I am very happy with our progress.  I laid out all the beds and mulched on one half of the yard while K laid weed barrier and moved two tons of sand from the street to the back of the house. 

We still have to level the sand and lay the flagstones but the beds are ready for planting, all 96 square feet of them.  This is a dream come true for me to have such a large space for growing my own food. My goal is to grow and preserve all our own produce in the next two years. K does his own thing with the garden beds and wants two of the six 4x4 plots.  I plan to start with three and fill the last one with sand for k.  There is always room to expand. 
Wish me luck!

Simple Spring Tonic

Pull the cold-weather dandelions from your garden.  Right now before they take over the whole thing or at least before they begin to flower.
Any 'dandelion' that grows in a rosette is fine to eat although people who have latex allergies should avoid those that produce a white 'milk'.   I have no such issues but avoid eating the spiky ones. 
Wait until after a spring shower if possible then gather the leaves all together and yank upwards and slightly to the side to pull the root out.  If spring showers do not coincide with your weeding schedule, you can use a 'weed popper' or a digging stick to loosen the soil around the roots then pull with the same method as above. 
Gather about 10 plants, take them inside, wash the dirt out and remove any dead or damaged leaves.
Allow the plants to rest while you prepare the other tonic ingredients. 
I took the liberty of pulling some fresh mint from an overgrown plot for this tonic. 
To this I add dried spearmint (bulk herbs online), red clover flowers I gathered last year in Winter Park and black tea.
Place all ingredients in a french press or glass jar, cover with boiling water and let steep overnight.
Strain with pressure and add 1 Tbsp honey.
 
Let the the root, leaf and flower power your day and repeat a necessary. 

Warm Black Lentil Salad with Shitake, Goat Cheese and Almonds

Cook black lentils in water and duck or bacon fat for 20 minutes or until tender. 
Saute mushrooms in fat for 5 minutes over medium heat.  Season with add salt and red pepper. 
Drain lentils if needed and place into a bowl, add mushrooms, top with goats cheese and roasted tamari almonds. 
Enjoy this earthy delight. 

Revisiting the Numbers

I revisited my numbers the other day and realized that my major investment will cover exactly my projected living costs thus attaining financial independence (in two years when the note is paid off).
This is both reassuring and cause for concern although, as I am still quite young, there will be time and opportunity for making more money. 

Obviously I can't complain that it cost $50 for two meals when I just spent next to $75 for a single meal/night out with friends and then again for sushi. This is as always, a matter of changing my internal environment (cook at home) rather than changing the external environment (price of food). 

Taking Advantage of the 21-century Job Market

I came to the following realization today,

"I can do my job either well or very well but any sense of purpose I once had in it is gone."

I won't go in to all the particulars of why my once stellar career appears meaningless at this point in time but given the above assertion, by my own hand, should I not then attempt to find another meaningless job with better perks?

In particular, I would choose an office much closer to home (1 hr. commute each way), higher rate of pay (clearly), and more annual leave (currently 2 weeks).

I hadn't really ever thought of changing jobs because I work in a specialized industry that has severe geographical restrictions.  I felt a great sense of purpose and truly believed that the work I was doing was important and contributed a great deal to one of the most fantastic accomplishments of the human race.

While I know that I contribute a great deal at work, my enthusiasm is greatly diminished; diluted by the long commute, endless swirl, metrics, reporting and lack of vision and leadership on the program. 

Skimming over that rabbit hole of my disillusionment with America's competency in space (funny how it slipped from dominance to competency, even in my mind), if my goal is to retire early, I ought to at least consider maximizing my effeciency in the work force.
I have considered taking on an additional job and laughed it off as ridiculous unless there is a way to record my dreams in chap-book fashion and deliver them to a voracious market.  I just don't have enough extra time between work, commuting and child rearing.

I have also considered quitting my current job and working at a bank (regular hours) or even retail (still, better hours than my other job) but this would obviously greatly increase my time to financial independence.  I also dismissed this option as the deranged fantasy of an overworked and overtired new mother but the appeal of working closer to home is very strong.

To be fair, I have also requested approval to work from home since the only person I regularly meet with is a friend the next cube.  We often take a stroll around campus of eat lunch together.  However, I can IM my snarky despair to her from anywhere and we often meet up for drinks or dinner anyway.  Of course, this needs to be discussed and reviewed by many manager and approved by some others and I have noticed that my current workload to accomplishment ratio is under scrutiny.  So, we will see what comes of that.

I also feel a sense of dislocation when it comes to my salary.  I should be earning more and my employer tells me that in order to get a real raise, I need to run bring business to the company.  (WTF?  Why the hell would I do that?  If I had a business contact that needed my help, I'd start my own company.) 

Besides, I basically killed myself working 12-13 hour shifts for all of a year+ (Sept '14-Dec '15).  Burned through three nannies, raised my infant daughter apart from my husband and basically went through a maddening experience and when I received my W2 statement, I had earned the equivalent of some starting salaries for other less stressful jobs (with normal hours and no TDY) I could probably apply for and get hired right now.

There are two serious drawbacks that I can see at the moment.  One is I would no longer be working in the Aerospace Industry (there are other jobs but they are equally far from home).  However, in two years time I will no longer be working in the Aerospace Industry so what difference does two years make?  I "believe" in the project I am working on but it is not exactly a vocation or calling for me. 

I am not fully vested in my employer's profit sharing until October this year (I think).  I'd have to look into the particulars but I recall reading that I must work there for five years before I am fully vested in the retirement/profit sharing program.  Although weighing this against the soul crushing commute, cost of petrol and slow steady destruction of my car,  I may not leave much on the table if I leave without being fully vested. 

At this point I am ready to leap without looking.

This is just an initial thought.  I will have to muse upon it further and explore other possibilities/ ramifications but I am definitely polishing up my resume and sending it out.
There is no reason why I shouldn't look around me to see what my options are.

Fingers Crossed

Perhaps this will carry on and become a regular catharsis of my thoughts or perhaps it will not.  In any case, I am writing today to state that I am 22 months and 3 weeks away from paying off the mortgage on my rental property.

On the very same day that I clear the principle amount of the loan I will immediately become financially independent.  That will be just over ten years from the start of the mortgage and while I do not know everything that will come to me in the next two or even twenty years, I can say the life of this mortgage has been the worst ten years of my life.  I need not enumerate all the peaks and valleys, the paradise lost, the physical challenges, or even the paralyzing depression I have suffered and do suffer this very day.  On the other hand, it may well be a decade of highlights including the accomplishments of financial independence, a daughter, space flights, and an entirely new understanding of the world.  I will revisit this at the true expiration of the ten years.

In the mean time, and I am still in the mean time, I struggle to function at work.  The entire structure of work is leaning as it always has but ever more so in the direction of those who talk rather than those who do.  There is a lack of leadership which causes too much self-directed 'work' and group decision making (or not), the thinking of which physically makes me ill.  I have no confidence that I can repeat my previous performance and I feel all the responsibility but have no authority to steer the bus and the services my group is supposed to provide are all going to pot at this very moment.  I had such high hopes for the future of manned space exploration.  We were going to colonize Mars!  Then I realized how the world worked (everyone fighting like cats in a bag), which causes a lot of movement but leads to no ultimate change.  I attribute this to a lack of leadership and vision.  This is the present state of things 'at the office', and I want out, now. 

Although, I did not begin this blog post with an idea of griping about work.  I am writing as a wish, a hope, a prayer that I will be able to make it through to the end of this hellish tunnel called modern life and into another phase of existence called financial independence.  I realize after the past two years that the decay rate of my own creativity and my own soul, even, is exponentially increasing.  I noticed in college that my creative writing and artistic abilities were shrinking as I crammed for my engineering courses and always assumed it would come back when I had more time but it seems the time has gotten away from me again.  

Fingers Crossed.