I came to the following realization today,
"I can do my job either well or very well but any sense of purpose I once had in it is gone."
I won't go in to all the particulars of why my once stellar career appears meaningless at this point in time but given the above assertion, by my own hand, should I not then attempt to find another meaningless job with better perks?
In particular, I would choose an office much closer to home (1 hr. commute each way), higher rate of pay (clearly), and more annual leave (currently 2 weeks).
I hadn't really ever thought of changing jobs because I work in a specialized industry that has severe geographical restrictions. I felt a great sense of purpose and truly believed that the work I was doing was important and contributed a great deal to one of the most fantastic accomplishments of the human race.
While I know that I contribute a great deal at work, my enthusiasm is greatly diminished; diluted by the long commute, endless swirl, metrics, reporting and lack of vision and leadership on the program.
Skimming over that rabbit hole of my disillusionment with America's competency in space (funny how it slipped from dominance to competency, even in my mind), if my goal is to retire early, I ought to at least consider maximizing my effeciency in the work force.
I have considered taking on an additional job and laughed it off as ridiculous unless there is a way to record my dreams in chap-book fashion and deliver them to a voracious market. I just don't have enough extra time between work, commuting and child rearing.
I have also considered quitting my current job and working at a bank (regular hours) or even retail (still, better hours than my other job) but this would obviously greatly increase my time to financial independence. I also dismissed this option as the deranged fantasy of an overworked and overtired new mother but the appeal of working closer to home is very strong.
To be fair, I have also requested approval to work from home since the only person I regularly meet with is a friend the next cube. We often take a stroll around campus of eat lunch together. However, I can IM my snarky despair to her from anywhere and we often meet up for drinks or dinner anyway. Of course, this needs to be discussed and reviewed by many manager and approved by some others and I have noticed that my current workload to accomplishment ratio is under scrutiny. So, we will see what comes of that.
I also feel a sense of dislocation when it comes to my salary. I should be earning more and my employer tells me that in order to get a real raise, I need to run bring business to the company. (WTF? Why the hell would I do that? If I had a business contact that needed my help, I'd start my own company.)
Besides, I basically killed myself working 12-13 hour shifts for all of a year+ (Sept '14-Dec '15). Burned through three nannies, raised my infant daughter apart from my husband and basically went through a maddening experience and when I received my W2 statement, I had earned the equivalent of some starting salaries for other less stressful jobs (with normal hours and no TDY) I could probably apply for and get hired right now.
There are two serious drawbacks that I can see at the moment. One is I would no longer be working in the Aerospace Industry (there are other jobs but they are equally far from home). However, in two years time I will no longer be working in the Aerospace Industry so what difference does two years make? I "believe" in the project I am working on but it is not exactly a vocation or calling for me.
I am not fully vested in my employer's profit sharing until October this year (I think). I'd have to look into the particulars but I recall reading that I must work there for five years before I am fully vested in the retirement/profit sharing program. Although weighing this against the soul crushing commute, cost of petrol and slow steady destruction of my car, I may not leave much on the table if I leave without being fully vested.
At this point I am ready to leap without looking.
This is just an initial thought. I will have to muse upon it further and explore other possibilities/ ramifications but I am definitely polishing up my resume and sending it out.
There is no reason why I shouldn't look around me to see what my options are.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Fingers Crossed
Perhaps this will carry on and become a regular catharsis of my thoughts or perhaps it will not. In any case, I am writing today to state that I am 22 months and 3 weeks away from paying off the mortgage on my rental property.
On the very same day that I clear the principle amount of the loan I will immediately become financially independent. That will be just over ten years from the start of the mortgage and while I do not know everything that will come to me in the next two or even twenty years, I can say the life of this mortgage has been the worst ten years of my life. I need not enumerate all the peaks and valleys, the paradise lost, the physical challenges, or even the paralyzing depression I have suffered and do suffer this very day. On the other hand, it may well be a decade of highlights including the accomplishments of financial independence, a daughter, space flights, and an entirely new understanding of the world. I will revisit this at the true expiration of the ten years.
In the mean time, and I am still in the mean time, I struggle to function at work. The entire structure of work is leaning as it always has but ever more so in the direction of those who talk rather than those who do. There is a lack of leadership which causes too much self-directed 'work' and group decision making (or not), the thinking of which physically makes me ill. I have no confidence that I can repeat my previous performance and I feel all the responsibility but have no authority to steer the bus and the services my group is supposed to provide are all going to pot at this very moment. I had such high hopes for the future of manned space exploration. We were going to colonize Mars! Then I realized how the world worked (everyone fighting like cats in a bag), which causes a lot of movement but leads to no ultimate change. I attribute this to a lack of leadership and vision. This is the present state of things 'at the office', and I want out, now.
Although, I did not begin this blog post with an idea of griping about work. I am writing as a wish, a hope, a prayer that I will be able to make it through to the end of this hellish tunnel called modern life and into another phase of existence called financial independence. I realize after the past two years that the decay rate of my own creativity and my own soul, even, is exponentially increasing. I noticed in college that my creative writing and artistic abilities were shrinking as I crammed for my engineering courses and always assumed it would come back when I had more time but it seems the time has gotten away from me again.
Fingers Crossed.
On the very same day that I clear the principle amount of the loan I will immediately become financially independent. That will be just over ten years from the start of the mortgage and while I do not know everything that will come to me in the next two or even twenty years, I can say the life of this mortgage has been the worst ten years of my life. I need not enumerate all the peaks and valleys, the paradise lost, the physical challenges, or even the paralyzing depression I have suffered and do suffer this very day. On the other hand, it may well be a decade of highlights including the accomplishments of financial independence, a daughter, space flights, and an entirely new understanding of the world. I will revisit this at the true expiration of the ten years.
In the mean time, and I am still in the mean time, I struggle to function at work. The entire structure of work is leaning as it always has but ever more so in the direction of those who talk rather than those who do. There is a lack of leadership which causes too much self-directed 'work' and group decision making (or not), the thinking of which physically makes me ill. I have no confidence that I can repeat my previous performance and I feel all the responsibility but have no authority to steer the bus and the services my group is supposed to provide are all going to pot at this very moment. I had such high hopes for the future of manned space exploration. We were going to colonize Mars! Then I realized how the world worked (everyone fighting like cats in a bag), which causes a lot of movement but leads to no ultimate change. I attribute this to a lack of leadership and vision. This is the present state of things 'at the office', and I want out, now.
Although, I did not begin this blog post with an idea of griping about work. I am writing as a wish, a hope, a prayer that I will be able to make it through to the end of this hellish tunnel called modern life and into another phase of existence called financial independence. I realize after the past two years that the decay rate of my own creativity and my own soul, even, is exponentially increasing. I noticed in college that my creative writing and artistic abilities were shrinking as I crammed for my engineering courses and always assumed it would come back when I had more time but it seems the time has gotten away from me again.
Fingers Crossed.
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